Rewind

After a long long time, I managed to stay up till almost 5 am today. Certainly, not realizing how time passed by as I read through old chat conversations, things written in the past, previous blog posts and all of that. You know how it is, on one of those retrospective days, when you don’t realize that you are smiling away to glory. And here I am, once again, wanting to pen down a few things.

Change is obvious but not always pleasant. Now, this may sound strange but nevertheless…Like all other things around, I bumped into change too. Now I don’t mean laughing out on old pictures with funny clothes or hair. Rather, I suddenly see this change that I never realized all this while. It was a sudden bump and a shocking one. Like, I start observing drastic differences or inabilities so to say. To talk about some, I used to write a decent bit earlier, but I don’t now. No that’s not what it is, I don’t think I can do that well now. I don’t think I can talk to the not so close with the same ease as before. And so goes the list…

The thoughts, the conversations, the perceptions, the opinions, the doings and the undoings – everything lacks the simplicity it did. It’s just not the same. Some may call it better, others may think it to be coming of age, but me – I don’t like it! I like the earlier me – the sheer spontaneity that made life so much more beautiful.

And with this, begins my attempt to rewind. To go back with a forward movement. To learn more yet unlearn. To grow further holding on to the roots. An attempt to make a retrospective day in the future a lot more fun and a lot more me!

Having said that, I must say it was a fun experience that most of us may have experienced – reading through stupid meaningless conversations, silly arguments, conversations that lasted for hours and some that felt like hours, the bonding with some that would have never happened otherwise, the trivial and the not so trivial, the pestering souls and the loving ones, the avoiding and the waiting, it was all here! A big thanks to google chat & blogspot and a tight hug to all those who made this day the way it is. Muah!

Alternating Current

I was on my way back home from a friend’s place. I was in a rickshaw and thanks to all the sky walks and metro rails being constructed, it was like taking a step and then standing still for a moment of eternity, then another step and then a moment of eternity, so on and so forth. I was blankly staring at the vehicles around and wondered at the sheer frustration that had enveloped the entire area. The helplessness, the inability, everyone wanting to make it to the same destination, yet stuck there powerless. People honking, people fighting, people shouting, but somehow a weird kind of silence had roofed my ears. Things gradually started to distort and there was a rewind. I was slipping into another world – a world familiar yet mysterious, a world comforting yet unsettling, a world hushed yet deafening, a world promising yet distrustful, a world of my own, me and my thoughts. And before I could grasp, I was sliding deeper and deeper into this chasm.

A free fall, a blank mind, a release from all the chaos, I wanted to just keep going deeper until a sprint of ongoing thoughts bumped into me, arresting every bit of the void in me. It broke my tranquil, it made me think. Why am I like this? Why is it that I know what to do but never end up doing it? Why is it that I know where I’m going wrong but can’t correct it? Why aren’t repeated stoppages helping me learn?

Why is it that I always want what I don’t have? Is it human nature or is it just me? When I’m full of activity and battling with time, I keep complaining about not having time to follow what nurtures deep within me. When I have time at my disposal, I feel I’m stuck at this one moment motionless. When I have the liberty to sleep till late, I suddenly feel this urge to sink into the depth of the earl. And when I just have to wake up early every morning, I miss the starry nights and the insomnia. When I have my brush with success, I want more and more of it, and something that was a thirst suddenly turns to something ‘reachable anyway’. When I’m happy, I want to get a glimpse of melancholy to enrich my happiness further. And when I’m sad, I crave for the meaningless laughter. When I’m angry, I want to be a composed person and when I’m composed, I want to leave it all and go berserk. When I’m shopping, I want everything that defines my style and when I’m back home, I want to give it all up and slip into a pair of tracks, a loose t-shirt and favourite pair of socks. When I’m home in my comfort zone, I want to go out and make merry; and when I’m out I want go home, listen to music and unwind.

It’s just that I always want the reverse. It’s just that the currents in me keep alternating. It’s just that the passion in me keeps getting more intense. It’s just that every belief finds a believer. It’s just that every thirst gets thirstier. It’s just that every wonder makes me wander endlessly. It’s just that my mind is a fluid space that keeps merging into worldly shores and the sands of thoughts – the more I try to capture them, the further they slip away. It’s just that my mind is a garden and the grass of thoughts spreads itself upon me till my entity reflects just them.

“Left ke Right, Madam, left ke right?” A sudden forward to reality and I realized that it was the rickshaw driver. I took a second to comprehend and then replied “Right”. I had reached the lane near my house. My thoughts had flown endlessly and so had the meter. “Bas yahaan par rok dijiye”. Finally alighted bringing both to a halt. Still on the bridge connecting the two worlds, I took the stairs that led me home.

Bubble Trouble!

There was this time when the only thing that found way to my ears was the economic slowdown and how badly the USA was hit by the same. Around friends, family, media, strangers, the talk of the town was the way the USA was affected by the recession - so much so that i remember i spent an entire night trying to figure out every detail about the sub prime crisis, how and why the reality bubble burst, how it was going to affect the world over, and all of that. That night, wikipedia came to my rescue.


Speculations and opinions, all over the place. Suddenly the USA had become a thing not as much sought after, and every individual, well read or otherwise, was turning into a financial analyst. Each one had to predict how long it would take to walk out of this soup, how the employment would get affected, why people were committing suicided over there, how a lot of things happening were unethical, et al. I must admit, I could see words flowing out of my mouth too.


We were all so lost in this whirlpool, little did we realise we were becoming a part of it and our speculations would soon come handy to our own souls. One day the stock market crashed and so did a lot of hopes. We were approaching the same ends that we criticised, but staying in our comfort zones, we didn't let the fear reach us. A lucky few, I'd say. My parents and friends didn't really lose their jobs, how do i know what is this thing that is driving people insane?

That was the time, I was all happy and unaffected by the recession, as I (along with many) was preparing for higher education, and didn't have a job to fear losing it. I had created a recession proof bubble around me - a bunch of hopes, a plan and some positive thinking did the trick. Little did I expect that the recession could affect me in ways unthinkable.

And then there was this day, when I realise things didn't exactly fall into place as per my plan and that I needed to consider alternatives (career prospects/higher education). And here began the recession spell!

It cursed every bit of my plan. Every decision that I had to take regarding my career was now doomed by the evil of 'Recession'. I thought - 'May be I could work for another year and then study further' - but once again, he won. Speaking to family/friends/people in the industry, I realised that wouldn't be the best choice as recruitments had been frozen. Then I consider studying abroad and people say that it may not be worth pumping in so much money as you may not even get a job to recover the money spent. I then realised that everything i was dreaming of is bound to be screwed by this evil monster.

And then i think, how in the first place did i think that i was the lucky? How stupid could i be to not see things happening around and learn from it? My answer hadn't reached too far. I realised that to escape the effects, I had closed myself in a shell with only good things around. In that world, recession was something that couldn't have affected me. I had a plan and how could things not be perfect, afterall it was a figment of my imagination, my world.


In a moment, I was forced to break open from the shell. And this world ain't perfect. Here, my dreams are cursed, my plans are cursed, my ideas are cursed, my every thought is cursed. Damn you, you monstrous killer. You aren't gonna live too long. Enjoy your high till we find ways to ignore you and walk ahead!

It's just a matter of a few more thoughts...

Mummy

If someone was to ask me what a mother means,
I could only recite, of experience, all the things I saw
How else could I describe,
An endless defiance of all the worldly vices

‘God couldn’t be everywhere, so he made mothers’
I may not have met God,
But to deny what they say,
Was there even a day?

She is the one, who’d give away her share of the ice cream,
And say she didn’t care for it anyway!
The one who’d stay awake before my exams,
Even when I’ve hit the bed and called it a day

The only friend who after every stormy fight,
Comes to tell you how it was her mistake, even when it was yours
The only one who’ll take all your shouting,
And lovingly come your way

She’d wait for you to eat,
Wondering about you all day
She’ll fight the world for you,
Clearing every obstacle on your way

Day in and day out,
Childhood, teenage or adulthood,
Her endless abyss of love, care and emotions
Reaches you all the way!

As I sit and ponder
I could go on all day
As no verse can ever capture the essence of motherhood,
That I continue to experience each day!

Raising a toast!

Priyanka:

A toast to a person, who is closest to all,
So much, that distance lost and had its fall…
The one who heard what most people missed,
Read between the lines and got it fixed…

Standing for the right, he defined what a “believer” meant,
Not just that, he thought beyond extent…
A thinker, a teacher, a perfectionist, I’d say,
None can doubt he’ll go all the way…

Your laughter, your sense of humour,
Your style, your panache,
The Parle G in your drawer,
The lassi ritual you initiated,

The techno talks, the Swift, Verna & SX4 discussions,
The biking and the traffic,
We’re gonna miss it all,
So much that we’ll treasure every bit of the legacy inherited with more than our hearts!

We all love you loads…And we’re gonna miss you tons…Stay in touch, and stay the way you are coz it’s a pleasure knowing someone like you!

Abhijoy:

From IRS to research

It took him 2 long minutes

Dude as he is, he tore research to bits

No I am not demeaning him,

That is something reserved for Arnab

He grasped everything in a flash

He helped Hansa get lots of cash

As close a friend as he is to me

We had a good time together

I wish him all the best for future

Do not forget me brother

Sonu:

I entered the office cautiously
He was sitting in a corner
Didn’t dare to befriend him immediately
Coz of his stern demeanor

Do not go by the looks, they say
Looks are often deceptive
It was a matter of just a few days
& his patronage became my prerogative

Playing Solitaire in his leisurly hours
And listening to his favourite tracks
Dare not mistake him to be lethargic
Coz he is a perfectionist when it comes to work

“I want the file in the next 15 minutes”
We heard Dixit’s gentle voice
Pratik sent the file in 14 minutes
Coz he simply didn’t have any choice

Going to Delhi, far from Mumbai We are sure u’ll rise very high One of Hansa’s crème de la crème We’ll miss u Dixit…

Namrata:

A paper flying in the air is due to luck,
but a bird flying in the air is its effort.
So, be a bird and struggle with hurdles to become successful.
Fly High!!!
Wish you the greatest happiness ever! :)

Pancham:

Dixit mere bhai…
Likh raha hun main zabardasti…
On demand of Sonu and priyankdasti… (that was just to rhyme it with zabardasti)
Tu hai sher… (wat the #%^& am I writing)
Mat maar bahut zyaada sher… (yukks yukks!!!)
I hope these lines remind you of a great ME!!!! ME…
joh tere baju mein baith ke teri bakwaas sunttaa thaaa….

Cheers!!! (Vodka)

Cheers!!! (Rum)

Cheers!!! (Whiskey)

Cheers!!! (Tequila)
..
..
..
..
Cheers!!! (Beer… In the morning to remove hangover)
..
..
..

Pancham

Vidya:

Laugh about your mistakes but learn from them.
Joke over your troubles but gather strength from them
Have fun with your difficulties but overcome them.
That’s the way to live life!

Subita:

Thank you for the gift of your presence in my life, You have a special gift for brightening the days, You have a unique and wonderful way of making smiles appear, Of reminding clouds that shouldn’t hang around too long, And of making people feel truly and lovingly cared about. One of the most thankful thoughts my heart will ever have is the sweet realization, That remarkable people like you really do exist.

Suraj:

Do you know why the car’s wsindshield is so large and the rear view mirror so small? Bcoz your past is not as important as your future.
So look ahead, move on n all d best 4 your life…..

Cheeeerrrzzz (make it large)!!!!!!!!

Ankit:

All the best…Tc…Cheerz…Bye ...

Nikita:

Chow Chow

Wassup!! Wish you luck. Don't enjoy bachelorhood too much :P
Waiting to catch up on a few shots when u get to bbay.

Chao, take care

Niki

Pratik:

Hey watz up Bro!!!

Hope market goes up n I win the bet.......but till then keep investing n ya plzzz mujhe bhi batate rehna wat to buy with a why......ab i'll write one sher 4 u......ok 4 sher 4 u....coz everyone is writing a poem (sher)

sher, sher, sher, sher........okie...no kiddin....here it goes.......

tu leta rahe share pe share
aur share aur share aur share
wah wah....

tune kia tha parle ka track
jisse kia company ne bohotse trackon ko crack
wah wah.....

tune lagaye the party main vodka ke shot
kissine (yaad hai) tujhe pakaya till u became hot
wah wah......

woh panchgani ka trip humara
woh raaj ka pee kar tv ka girana
woh holi ke din bhang ka banana
woh barish main point lordwick jaana
yaad rahega ae mere dost panchgani jaana
wah wah....

achha ab jagah ki wajah se yahi samapt kar raha hun
lekin ye mat samajhna main tujhe yaad nahin kar raha hun
dost tu yaad rahega mujhe humesha
tu bhi karna mujhe yaad hamesha
wah wah....

Batana kaisa tha.........

Okie........Take care.......

Bahram:

Hey Dixit!
We'll miss you in office and all the booze parties (last day pe toone dhoka diya!).
Hope we have more of em...
Anyways, wish you great success and good luck for the future! Keep in touch...
Yes 2!

Life at odds!

A hectic Sunday evening – shopping amidst frozen crowds, a chaos of peddlers and hawkers shouting various slogans – some laughter provoking, some deafening, some showering the untapped Piyush Pandes and Prasoon Joshis. Trapped in a food world, stalls all around you with keepers on a constant watch for BMC vans. Enveloped by people – people of all sorts – lost souls trying to find their way out, squashed kids crying, shopping freaks (true, that’s where I fall too) with hands tied in shopping bags still looking for something to soothe their craving souls and rip their almost empty pockets.

People blowing money like it is nobody’s business, as if they it were a race to finish first. Malls in every direction that you can turn your head to – malls consuming power that houses could do with for months together, screaming for attention – promotions, games, food, shopping, kids’ zone, a social arena to flaunt your style and status, a get-together point and what not!

Pushing and pulling, I find my way out of this pollution. A little to the fore, I find a food stall, much emptier (Alright, I know empty isn’t the right word. A lil less crowded would be more apt…). Along with my mom and cousin, I steer my way to the stall. Laying my hands on a bottle of packaged water, I almost finish the bottle (No! I’m not a camel and I don’t store water. It was just the thirst, more thirst and still more of it.).

Ah, finally! I said to myself. There stood a panipuri stall with people gulping down those yummy looking golgappas. (Like they had starved for years together, one after the other it went down their throat. Wait let me correct you, it’s not like I have become evil all of a sudden but Dude! I am hungry too!)

Wow! Finally, I had the cup in my hand and it was my turn now! I turned for a second and there stood an innocent kid, in tattered clothes. He was much hungrier than I was. He wanted food even minus the taste. I gave my cup to him and brought him ahead. As he stood happily enjoying the Pani Puri, fear laid still in his eyes. He feared the love, he feared the closeness, he feared niceness, he feared my touch – he feared this cruel world! Once done, I asked him if he wanted to drink the tangy water, and he gently murmured “teekha paani”. He finished with the masala puri, wiped his face with his shirt, smiled and fled.

There was something magical about that kid that left me thinking. I turned around to get another glance of him but he was nowhere to be found. He must have fled fearing the guards; I thought to myself and plunged into my lost world!

Having had my share of Pani Puris, I left for home. I reached and once again got busy with reviewing my shopping and indulging in the feel good factor…Tired and satisfied, I kissed my mom goodnight, thanked god for all the good and bad things in life and finally hit my bed!

But Wait! It’s not just a story! The fact is that whenever I think of something or form an opinion about society or this world in general, I’m often set aback and shown how wrong I am. Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be.

It’s a glutinous circle, where, for every evil act there is a conflicting reality that strengthens your hope. A hope that we all live on, a hope that many a times reaching the verge of shattering is strengthened by some stranger, a hope that serves as food and shelter for many a poor, a hope that makes us see tomorrow today... I once read, “Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence”. It’s we who decide what to look at. So do what you will! After all, this world's a fiction and is made up of contradiction!

The Crossing!

There's always some kinda rush that drives me to do things drastically and yup there's one behind this one too! There is always so much happening in my mind from random ideas, good and bad memories, instant thoughts, plans about my life, my stupidity, my mistakes (may be blunders is the right word), my expectations from life, my conversations with myself and God (I know many oh you would find this weird), and just sooooo much that I find it difficult to retain all of it in this tiny brain of mine. Believe it or not, my life really has these phases. Things are usually going good and all of a sudden there is this phase when everything starts going wrong one after the other, and I mean it when I say everything. That’s when my thought process gets even more intense and I find it difficult to handle. I want to shout, I want to throw things around, I want to hate everyone around and feel detached from all pain, I want to stop existing, I want to hug my mom so tight that I feel distanced from this cruel world, and amidst all this pain, I suddenly hear a voice – a voice that tells me that I’m not born to lose – I was taught to fight it out, that I’m not born to give up – that’s for losers to do and that I’m born to do my best coz I was taught that life is play which we direct and how spectacular it turns out to be has more to do with us than people who watch it with a less keen eye or choose to criticize it. And then I see this poster on my sister’s closet that says “After every sad day, comes a glad day”. Life is not always about coincidences, they say there’s a thin line between co incidence and faith.

And then I wake up the next morning, more focused than ever, more determined than ever, and put my foot down on things I want to do! Things that would make my life more fruitful and things that’s make me feel better! And then…You’re right! Blogging was one on my list!

I know it’s been too much of me by now! Blabbering as usual about everything I encounter on this planet…But I guess that’s how this space is gonna be and that’s why it is aptly titled – Mélange. Welcome to this space, where you’d see more of me each time, may be a lil different that what you expect to see. But that’s me and this is how it’s gonna be! Tc. Ciao.